


All I Needed Was The Last Thing I Wanted

by martianwahtney



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, NCIS, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Absolute Disasters Anthony and Tony, Anthony DiNozzo Is A Little Shit, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes Is A Little Shit, M/M, Sassy Anthony DiNozzo, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Ziva David Is A Little Shit, let's just assume for the time being that everyone is a little Shit, meet ugly, tony stark is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martianwahtney/pseuds/martianwahtney
Summary: “You decided to move your buddy’s car as a prank, but you got the wrong car and now I think you’re breaking into my car, what the hell is wrong with you”or where DiNozzo finds Tony Stark trying to break into his car and things devolve from thereTSB round 3:Chapter 1: R4- Meet UglyChapter 2: K4- Fighting TogetherChapter 3: A1- Sunrise/Sunset
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598119
Comments: 33
Kudos: 272
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [so I made this fucking moodboard and put a tiny snippet of Tony squared sassing each other and I thought to myself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, huh,,,,,,,,, this could be a fic, and now it is](https://lronhusbands.tumblr.com/post/190086247823/tonystarkbingo-t4-occupational-hazard-so-mr)
> 
> Card: #3020

“What are you doing?”

Tony Stark jerked back in surprise. He glanced up to see a man in pajamas, he looked irritated.

“Moving my buddy’s car,”

“That’s  _ my _ car,”

“No it isn’t,”

The man held up a set of car keys and pressed a button, the car that Tony was trying to open chirped.

“Well shit,”

How the hell had he gotten the car wrong?

“How do I know you didn’t steal those keys from my buddy?”

“Are you for real?” the man asked.

Tony held his hands up, a gesture of surrender. 

“Wrong car, got it,”

Tony moved away from the car and tapped his earpiece.

“J, what the hell did you get me into?” Tony hissed

“ _ Did I send you to the wrong car _ ?” JARVIS asked, a coy note in his otherwise emotionless voice.

“Did Rhodes do this?”

JARVIS’s silence gave him all the answer he needed. Tony glanced up at the man again- he was handsome, big brown eyes, sleep tousled hair and if Tony  _ hadn’t _ promised Rhodes he would be on his best behavior- car shenanigans aside- he would have started flirting with the man. 

“As it turns out my buddy told me the wrong car on purpose,” Tony said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Maybe he didn’t want to trying to steal it,” the man offered. 

“It’s tradition,”

“Uh huh,”

“So I’m going to go,” Tony said. 

“Please,”

Tony gave a mock salute and walked off. 

“J, how could you let this happen?” Tony hissed. 

“ _ I have no idea, sir, _ ”

“Donating you to McDicks,” Tony muttered. 

“ _ Naturally, sir _ ,”

Tony got back to his car and tapped the wheel a few times. 

“J, call my honey bear,”

A ringing filled the car before there was a click. 

“Have fun?”

Tony could  _ hear _ the smirk in his voice. 

“Why? Honey bear why would you do this to me?” Tony asked. 

“Because I have a very important meeting tomorrow at the Navy Yard and I can’t be late trying to hunt around for my car!” 

“So whose fucking car did I just try and steal? The guy did not look happy with me?”

There was a moment of silence.

“You met the owner? And he didn’t call the cops?”

“I can be charming!”

Rhodes let out a loud laugh.

“Listen, Tones, why don’t you meet me at the Navy Yard tomorrow? I’ll treat you to lunch,” Rhodes said, there was… something in his voice but Tony didn’t want to read too much into it, he was probably just happy he ruined Tony’s prank. 

“Alright fine,” Tony agreed with a faux sigh. 

“Third floor at noon, don’t be late,” Rhodes warned. 

“Anything for you sour patch,”

“I’m not sour!”

Tony laughed and ended the call. He drove to the apartment he kept in DC and crashed for the night. 

Tony DiNozzo settled in his chair for what he hoped would be a peaceful ten minutes before Ziva and McGee returned with lunch and Gibbs returned from his meeting. 

Within the first minute his plans were shot to hell as an all too familiar man stepped out of the elevator, fluffy brown hair, big brown eyes, ridiculous goatee and previously seen trying to steal Tony’s fucking car. 

“What are you doing here? Going to steal my car?” DiNozzo asked, pushing himself out of his chair.

The man in front of him had the audacity to look surprised and borderline offended.

“I didn’t want to steal  _ your _ car,” the man shot back.

“So you were trying to steal a car,”

The man in front of him smirked. He looked strikingly similar to Tony Stark- but there was no way Tony Stark would be at the Navy Yard. He didn’t deal with military contracts since the Afghanistan thing.

“Are you going to introduce us to your friend?” Ziva asked as she and McGee stepped into the bullpen, she had a bag of burritos in her hand. 

“He’s not my friend,”

“And here I thought we shared a special moment,” the man said in mock hurt.

“When you tried to steal my car?”

“When are you going to get over that?”

Tony let out a sarcastic laugh and rolled his eyes.

“DiNozzo,” McGee hissed, his expression a little shellshocked.

“McGoo,”

“Do you know who that is?”

Tony eyed the man who was now talking with Ziva.

“Some asshole I caught trying to steal my car?” Tony guessed.

McGee made an odd whine of a noise.

“That’s Tony Stark,”

Tony looked back at the man again. He had been right, that was Tony fucking Stark.

“Iron Man?” he asked.

“Iron Man,” McGee said with a nod.

“There’s no way McGeek. What would Stark be doing here? Stealing my car?”

“Let it go,”

Across the bullpen, Stark laughed at something Ziva said. He looked almost… charming when he wasn’t stealing Tony’s car.

“So what brings you to the Navy Yard?” Tony asked, raising his voice so Stark could hear him.

The man turned to him, easy smile still on his face.

“Meeting a friend,”

Tim crossed the pen to stand next to Ziva, unwilling to take his eyes off the two Tony’s. If he knew Tony- their Tony- like he thought he did, he was going to make the whole ‘there are two Tony’s’ thing very inconvenient. 

“So, Mr. DiNozzo, is it?”

“It’s actually Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, thank you Mr. Stark,”

“Dr. Stark,”

“Tones!”

The weird Tony™ energy was broken by the word. Stark looked up at the stairs and beamed. DiNozzo, McGee, and Ziva did the same, catching sight of a dark skinned man in an Air Force Lieutenant Colonel’s uniform.

Stark bounced on the balls of his feet like a particularly excited child. The man reached the bullpen and pulled Stark into a tight hug. McGee almost choked on air. He was Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes aka War Machine.

“Ready for lunch?” Rhodes asked. 

“I’m going to make it the most inconvenient lunch of your life,” Stark replied. 

He glanced at Tony, a sly smirk on his face, his frankly ridiculous Bambi eyes alight.

“Well,  _ Very _ Special Agent DiNozzo, this has been a pleasure,”

“Doctor,”

The smirk on Stark’s face widened before he followed Rhodes to the elevator. 

“So,” Ziva started as she tossed a burrito to Tony. He caught it without really paying attention to her. 

“When’s the wedding?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony squared dates, and paintball shenanigans
> 
> tsb square fill: k4- fighting together

“Well if it isn’t Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo,” Tony crooned.

“Me? In my own place of work? How shocking!” the agent responded, not glancing up from his computer.

Tony smirked and drummed his fingers on the agents desk, waiting to get his attention.

“Can I help you, Dr. Stark?” he asked at last.

“Would you like to go get some lunch?” Tony asked.

“What?”

“We got off on the wrong foot-”

“Oh did we? When you were trying to steal my car?”

“Well that’s neither here nor there, but I’d like to make it up to you. What do you say? Lunch?”

“I guess one lunch is fine,” DiNozzo agreed.

But it didn’t end up being just one lunch, Tony kept going back to the Navy Yard, almost every day he would show up to take his favorite Very Special Agent out for a lunch- or on days where DiNozzo was particularly busy, Tony would go out to get food and leave it on his desk.

“What are you doing in DC?”

“Rhodes is here for the next few months,” Tony explained.

“I don’t get to see him often, so when he’s stateside I like to be wherever he is,” Tony added.

“Is it usually in DC?” the agent asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

“No, he usually stays in the Tower, but something’s been happening. He won’t tell me about it,” Tony said with a shrug.

“How long is he in town for?”

“Few more weeks,”

Tony watched the agent carefully. He was good at hiding his emotions, but unlucky for him Tony knew how to bullshit a bullshitter.

“And after he leaves?”

“I’ll go back to the Tower. I can’t imagine SHIELD is too happy that I skipped town,”

Across the table, DiNozzo set his sandwich down.

“Makes sense, I imagine Gibbs would be pretty pissed if I skipped town to steal a car,”

Tony laughed at that and flicked his straw wrapper at him.

“The distance from New York to DC isn’t any trouble for the armor, I could still pick you up for our dates,” Tony told him.

“Date?” DiNozzo asked.

“Is that what this is?”

“What else are they going to be?”

“I thought they were apology dates,” DiNozzo said with a grin.

“Still a date,”

DiNozzo laughed at that, beautiful and charming. He flashed Tony and equally beautiful smile.

“So do these dates include things other than lunch?” he asked.

Tony beamed at that.

“Oh I have some fun ideas,” 

“So this is your idea of fun?” the  _ very _ special agent asked, one eyebrow raised in a manner that suggested he  _ wasn’t _ impressed with all the thought Tony put into their date.

“This is a classic, Agent DiNozzo,”

“In what world is paintball with the Avengers a classic, Dr. Stark?”

Tony grinned at that.

“It’s not against the Avengers, just me, Rhodes, and Nat. She and Ziva are the same level of scary,”

“You haven’t met Ziva,”  
“You haven’t met Nat,” Tony countered.

A tiny smile hit DiNozzo’s lips. Tony liked the sight of it. For the first round they split into NCIS vs the Avengers, that of which the Avengers won. If you asked Tony he would tell you it was an easy win, if you asked DiNozzo he would tell you the Avengers won by a slim margin.

“I want the Tony’s on my team,” Nat said.

“Making the switch for the most valuable player, huh?” DiNozzo asked with a smirk as he and Rhodes started to switch vests.

“Rhodes is our best player and DiNozzo here is your worst, I figure this would level the playing field,” Natasha said with a smirk.

“Hey!” DiNozzo protested as Tony laughed.

Ziva, McGee, and Rhodes ended up winning that round. Tony was very smug about that.

“How does it feel to be on the losing team twice?” Tony teased as Nat, Rhodes, Ziva, and McGee headed to clean up. 

DiNozzo rolled his eyes and dropped a blob of paint on top of Tony’s head.

“You did not!”

“I think I just did,”

Tony swiped his hand through the pain in his hair and then patted DiNozzo’s face with a paint soaked hand. DiNozzo had the audacity to look surprised at Tony’s actions.

“I can’t believe you did that,”

“Paybacks a bitch Very Special Agent DiNozzo,” Tony cooed, not moving his hand from the side of the agents face. Tony took his chance and pushed himself up on the balls of his feet to kiss his favorite agent.

“So we should go get cleaned up,” Tony said once they parted.

“Considering that you got paint in my hair,” DiNozzo agreed, a shocked smile on his face.

“At least I’m not stealing your car,”

DiNozzo’s loud laugh echoed around the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Tony’s have an important question to ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TSB: A1- sunrise/sunset

_ Sunrise _

“That’s a bigger bed,” Tony pointed out. 

“Is it?”

“Like big enough to fit two people. Honey did you know your bed got bigger?”

Tony could  _ hear _ his boyfriend roll his eyes. 

“Astute observation Doc,”

“So you gonna tell me why your bed is bigger?” Tony asked, batting his eyes like a fool. 

“Well…” the Agent drawled out. 

“I thought it would be easier for you to stay the night if you had some place to stay,” he said at last. 

Tony beamed and pushed himself up on his toes to kiss him. 

“Careful DiNozzo, people might start thinking you like me,” Tony teased. 

“We’ve been dating for seven months,”

“So you admit to liking me,”

His  _ very _ Special Agent smiled at him, soft and fond. 

“Only a little bit,”

Tony lay in his bed as he thought about that day, it was sunrise, far too early for him to be awake but he had a big day ahead of him and he didn’t want to waste a single second. 

It had been six months since the whole ‘bed’ situation. Since then Tony had tried to split his time between DC and New York as evenly as he could. The Avengers didn’t need him unless there was a humanity ending disaster and/or attack and Tony could get away for a little bit so long as he joined in on the Team Bonding Nights. 

Tony pushed himself out of bed, careful not to disturb his still sleeping boyfriend. They had quite the day planned. They were going to a nearby park where some theater company was showing old Hitchcock movies and then they were going to eat at Tony’s favorite diner, and hopefully Tony would work up the nerve to propose sometime before the day ended. 

He quietly crept to his closet and shuffled around. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a well worn bad t shirt. If he dressed up then DiNozzo would know that something was up and the last thing Tony wanted to do was spoil the surprise. 

There was a chance his boyfriend already knew what he was planning, they had discussed getting engaged a few times and both came to the conclusion it was something both of them wanted. 

Outside the sun had fully risen.    
  


_ Sunset _

They reached the diner half an hour before the sun was supposed to set. They both ordered a bacon cheeseburger, sodas, and a plate of fries to share. 

“I’m really glad you almost stole my car,” Tony stated. 

“Can I quote you on that?” his boyfriend asked, big brown eyes shining. 

“Nobody would believe that,” Tony replied with a wave of his hand. 

“With how much you bring it up? You might be surprised!”

“What?” Tony asked with a laugh. 

“This is my boyfriend Tony Stark. How did we meet? He tried to steal my car,” his boyfriend said in a cheap imitation of Tony’s voice. 

Tony laughed loudly and his hand dropped to his pocket where his fingers brushed against a small box. 

“I love you,” he said softly as he pulled the box from his pocket. 

“I love you too,” 

He set the small box on the table and pushed it toward his boyfriend. 

“Will you?” he asked quietly, flipping the lid open to reveal a shiny silver band. 

His boyfriend stared at the ring in comprehensively and for a second Tony was horrified that he had gotten it all wrong. 

“Unbelievable. Unbelievable! You fucking-!”

His boyfriend set a small box on the table, the same size and shape of a ring box. 

“Will you marry me?”

The band was silver, just like the one Tony had picked out. Tony couldn’t suppress the wave of emotions that slammed over him. He loved his boyfriend so much. 

“Well… I will if you will,” Tony said, his voice choked. 

They slid the rings onto each other’s fingers and for a moment neither could do anything else but stare. 

“I can’t believe I beat you to it,” Tony said at last. 

“At least I said all the words,”

“Who stole whose car?” Tony shot back. 

His  ~~ boyfriend ~~ fiancé laughed loudly. Tony grinned at that and continued picking at the basket of fries they had gotten to share. 

Outside the sun had fully set.


End file.
